Friday, December 18, 2009

The only true life long partners

Indigo and I were in the car today and she was asking me why on earth I needed 2 wedding rings when Daddy only had one. I have to say, my kids really do make me think about things as I suddenly have to explain what lies behind an idea rather than just going with the flow. So I was detailing how the first ring came about. I told her that when daddy asked me to marry him and I said yes, that ring was like a promise until the day when we really did get married and exchange the real wedding rings. All sounded a bit superficial really, as if I was a demanding little so-and-so not believing Ben when he said he wanted to share his life with me so the ring was like proof or something. When I put it like that, it seemed a rather odd tradition and, coupled with Blood Diamond, all a bit unnecessary that I have an engagement ring at all.

But I remember when Ben first gave me my engagement ring (before I saw the movie). For days on end we stared at it. Not the ring itself so much as the symbol of the ring - as if we looked at it long enough, we might get a glimpse of what our future lives as a married couple would be like. The one thing I remember so well was the feeling of wearing the ring. It felt so odd felt pressing into my pinky and middle fingers, and I was always aware of the sensation of the ring on my finger. In the same way, I was constantly aware of the idea of how crazy it was that I would be with Ben always, and never leave his side, use the word "wife" and perhaps even have a family with him one day. It was somehow slightly scary but more than that, it just felt strange and almost like I was playing grown up rather than really being grown up.

But slowly, that ring became a part of me, so much so that one day, I just didn't notice it on my hand at all anymore, and after a bit longer, if I removed it from my finger, I felt the its absence in a physical way - the same way I had once felt its presence. Suddenly, when the ring was off, I had a panic run through me, like a piece of my actual body was missing and it made me run cold. I suppose that was about the same time that I really realised Ben had become a part of me, and that I would panic if he suddenly wouldn't be with me always.

Anyway, that was all a bit complicated to explain to Indigo so I just skipped to the wedding and marriage bits and what those two rings were for. And when I told Indigo that Daddy asked me to marry him because he loved me and wanted to be with me and live with me for always, she said something that made my heart do a happy and sad flip all at once.

She told me that she wanted to marry Oslo.

Obviously, I was touched that she loves her brother so much that she wants to be with him always. I have to say, this did surprise me slightly given that, although he is utterly divine with her half of the time, the other half of the time, which is quite a lot of time really, he can be a bit silly. He has a tendency to enjoy teasing her and takes great pleasure in taking away teddies or toys in order to force her to chase him.

And so when I told her that Daddy and I married because we wanted to be together always, her response that she wanted to marry Oslo is perfect proof that despite the bickering, I guess, no matter what he does, she always loves him and knows he loves her too. Sad in a way that they can't marry, but being sibs is the next best thing as they are the only true life partners. As a rule, your parents die long before you and you generally don't meet your spouse, or certainly don't live with him or her, until you are an adult. Siblings are together from the start, and God willing, remain together until the end. I think they need to create a ring tradition for that heavenly relationship, but make it out of string and beads instead of diamonds!

1 comment:

  1. how do you have time to be so poetic and reflective!
    Gorgeous pics. As always!


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