Last Friday, Oslo had an accident. I was at his amazing new school for pick up and I was just inside the classroom as his teacher was giving me his "student of the week award" certificate and telling me how amazing he was doing, how articulate and knowledgable he was, and how proud he should be of himself and how much we have to be proud of in terms of his academic and personal achievements. He was outside and just going to pick up his bicycle and take it to the car since we had rode part of the way to school that morning. Apparently, as he was walking towards his bike to lift it off the ground to roll it back to the car, he tripped on the brake stand and flew forward and landed on the hand break (or possibly the handle bar) which punctured his upper lip. He came running into the classroom with his hands over his face and blood coming out of all directions screaming for water. I rushed him to the bathroom and when I finally was able to have a look, I saw how serious the fall was. After what seemed like an age, the ambulance came for us and we spent some time in ER before we were referred to a plastic surgeon. The cut looked very clean on the outside and went from his nostril to his lip. The area was numbed and the surgeon started to sew up the lip beautifully. Oslo kept crying out and the surgeon said he didn't understand why it hurt since the area was anesthetised. It wasn't until he started to work on the underside of Oslo's lip that he realised that on the inside sadly, it was a little more serious. Seemingly, the hand brake ravaged the inside of his lip and rammed along his gums and tore the flesh right up into the cheekbone area. The plastic surgeon had a very hard time putting that part of my sweet darling back together. Of course he couldn't have anticipated how far along the mouth the damage reached so poor Oslo didn't even have enough anesthetic in that area and was in agony. It was unbearable to watch and worse still, to hear my baby in so much pain. He was incredibly brave and cried out but didn't dare move while the doctor worked diligently to sew him up. Poor sweet Oslo felt everything at the end and it was not an easy area to work in at the best of times and especially after so much damage so I felt for the doctor too. In retrospect, we probably should have had Oslo go under general but who could have known as it looked so simple initially. So so proud of my brave little angel. Ben and I on the other hand were definitely feeling a lot less brave and had a terrible time witnessing the horrors.
The next day, the plastics doctor rang to say he was worried that since the damage was so bad inside his mouth that Oslo may have shattered a facial bone and wants him to have a cat scan but right now, until swelling goes down and they can see more, he should just stay home and take it very easy. The other very serious worry was the risk of Tetanus, since Oslo's school is at a stables and the likelihood of the brake having been in contact with soil and manure and in the wound was very high. This of course would not have been a problem but Oslo had an allergic reaction to the DPT shot when he was a baby so only had the first three. Of course all the doctors strongly recommended the Tetanus booster which also has Diptheria. We were so tortured about the risk of life threatening tetanus but also of a serious reaction again (he had seizures for two weeks last time) to the vaccine. It is such a difficult thing as a parent to do the right thing, but we finally went with the shot and took that risk as obviously, Tetanus can be fatal.
It has been such a strange journey these past few days. So much fear and worry mixed with thankfulness that he is ok, and knowing how lucky we are as it could have been so much worse. I have gone through the whole gamut of emotions. The sickness of witnessing my child in so much pain, and then since in those quiet moments at night when I can finally stop being brave for him and finally let out my agony and really cry. The awful processing and replaying in my head and imagining what happened, and the longing to erase those moments. The wondering if I could have prevented it and all the "if onlys" that come with that thinking. And out of that thinking the guilt. But then the forgiveness of myself and of life, knowing that bad things happen and I cannot be in control or protect him from everything. The deep happiness I have felt in spending time with him, knowing he is ok, and the gratitude that he was not hurt more badly. We do not really do much screen time in this house, but in order to be sure he did 20 minutes of ice, we have been watching films all together. Yesterday, we watched Kung Fu Panda, which we have not seen in ages. I know there was a reason we saw that and I was with him. There were so many wise words that made me check myself. The idea of letting go of the "illusion of control" and my fave quote, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift - that is why we call it the present"> Such true words and ones I am trying to follow closely right now.
I have some lovely shoots to blog about. But blogging takes time. And so does being a good mummy. And recently, my Mummying has once again, had to take precedent over my work. I knew there was a reason I wrote in my terms and conditions that images can take up to six months. It allows for situations like this. There is never good time to get ill, or for an emergency to occur, but bigger picture, this weekend, I had no shoots or weddings booked, and the photos I have taken of other families' happy memories are going nowhere - they are just on ice for a bit while I try to be the best Mummy I know how to be. And that means spending every moment I can with my sweet son helping him heal, supporting him at the countless doctors appointments, and eating passionfruit peach ice cream with him so he doesn't have to eat alone!
Oslo - you have blown my mind these last few days - you are an inspiration and I have new found awe for your spirit and bravery. And most of all, I am not forgetting that today is a gift and I will savour every moment I share with you and indeed with our whole family. Thank you for being so strong and so lovely - I am very lucky to have you in my life. I promise not to make you laugh, at least until you have healed a little more. xxxx